Earthquake Survival Kits

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1. Wurm
   Posted October 9, 2010 at 6:18 am | Permalink

   The Richter Scale by The Quidnuncs

   Charlie Richter made a scale for calibrating earthquakes
   Gives a true and lucid reading ev'ry time the earth shakes
   Increments are exponential; numbers O to 9
   When the first shock hit the "seismo", everything worked fine

   It measured one-two (1.2) on the Richter scale
   A shabby little shiver
   One-two on the Richter scale
   A queazy little quiver
   Waves brushed the seismograph
   As if a fly had flicked her
   One-two on the Richter scale;
   It hardly woke up Richter

   Nineteen-hundred thirty-three and Long Beach rocked and rumbled
   Schoolhouse walls and crockery and oil derricks stumbled
   Hollywood got hit but good; it even shook the stars
   Shattered glass and spilled martinis on a hundred bars

   It measured six-three on the Richter scale
   It rattled tile and plaster
   Six-three on the Richter scale
   A rattling disaster
   Waves bounced the seismograph
   As if a cue had clicked her
   Six-three on the Richter scale;
   It almost rattled Richter

   Came the turn of County Kern; the mountains lurched and trembled
   Bakersfield, which jerked and reeled, was almost disassembled
   Arvin town was battered down in rubble and debris
   Spasms racked the women's prison at Tehachapi

   It measured seven-eight on the Richter scale
   It fractured rails and melons
   Seven-eight on the Richter scale
   It fractured female felons
   Waves smacked the seismograph;
   A casualty inflictor
   Seven-eight on the Richter scale;
   It almost fractured Richter

   Came a cataclysmic quake at Anchorage, Alaska
   "Seisims" ran from Ketchikan to Omaha, Nebraska
   Polar bears were saying prayers; the tidal wave was grand
   Planted boats in California way up on the sand

   It measured eight-five on the Richter scale
   It loosened kelp and corals
   Eight-five on the Richter scale
   It loosened faith and morals
   Waves bashed the seismograph
   As if a mule had kicked her
   Eight-five on the Richter scale;
   It failed to loosen Richter

   Someday – pretty soon, we fear – our many faults will fail us
   Slide and slip and rip and dip and all at once assail us
   Seismic jolts, like lightning bolts, will flatten us that day
   When the concrete settles down, geologists will say:

   It measured eight-nine on the Richter scale
   It rocked them in Samoa
   Eight-nine on the Richter scale
   It cracked like Krakatoa
   Waves crunched the seismograph
   Just like a boa constrictor
   Eight-five on the Richter scale;
   It really racked up…

   One-two on the Richter scale
   Three-four on the Richter scale
   Five-six on the Richter scale
   Seven-eight on the Richter scale
   Eight-nine on the Richter scaaaaaaale…

   It really racked up Richter!