Earthquake Survival Kits

One Comment

1. oldmanwithcoyote
   Posted November 21, 2011 at 1:42 pm | Permalink

   You command of language is good. Your punctuation
   is OK. Sentence structure is good. Adjectives and adverbs
   a little pretentious.
   Now the story.
   You have no "grabber" at the beginning. Something that says
   "read me, I'm a fun read!". Your style needs work. I don't
   know you but, I suspect that its not really you. Your words
   seem contrived and don't flow smoothly. Your theme is
   unclear.
   A few suggestions.
   1) Write from personal experience.
   2) Relax a few minutes before you begin writing and consider
   what you want to say..
   3) Edit your work ruthlessly.
   4) Read what others have written and published.
   Study their style. How do they get your attention in
   the beginning of the piece. Study there character building
   style. How do they impart a feeling of intimate
   knowledge of their basic nature of each character.
   5) Get a pad and pen and carry it at all times. Make
   notes when you hear a nicely turned phrase. Describe
   the people in your life with the intent of leading the
   reader to the conclusions you want them to draw.
   6) Study other writers methods of setting a scene.
   7) Ask questions of people around you. It doesn't matter
   what they say. Its dialogue. After you end the
   conversation with them, write notes describing the
   dialogue.

   These are a good starting point. Remember that what you
   write is not intended to give people a good impression of
   you. Its to give them a good story to read.

   All in all. I think you have potential. Keep at it and when
   you become a famous author, remember us little people
   and write about us.

   Good luck.